My insides are ripping apart.

It's not even an exaggeration. Okay, maybe a bit. But since Sunday I've been having problems with my bladder, and I just figured it would go away. 

Didn't think anything of it. 

Well, of course, as soon as I get on my relaxing vacation (mind you there is a 17 hour drive) my back and abdomen seize up in pain. Like, on a scale of one to ten it's a seven. 

My mom thinks it's a kidney stone or infection. I thought I had a low grade fever yesterday but just kind of shook it off. But honestly, it makes sense. I haven't been feeling 100% all week, and I have all the symptoms. 

Lower back pain, abdominal pain, (both excruciating) possible fever, nausea, frequency of urination and the urge to go to the bathroom. And it KILLS when I do use the ladies room. (Sorry, TMI. We're all friends here, right?) 

So I still have a 7 1/2 hour drive until I can go to urgent care, and that doesn't count stops for food and potty breaks, which I will need. 

I shouldn't be in a damn condo all week when I should be on the damn beach of Hilton Head Island instead. Dumb body. First it's Mono, then it's canker sores, and now this? Bloody hell. 

This should be fun. 

The next couple days of my life.

Okay. So here's the deal.  I have sold my soul to the working devil for the next couple days. Let me lay it out for you:

Today: 7am-8:30pm at the Munster Pool
Tomorrow: 7am-8:30pm at the Munster Pool
Friday: 8:30am-11am at the Munster Pool
             12pm-12am in Hebron, In. I'm shooting a wedding
Saturday: 7am-6pm at the Munster Pool

Total:  52.5 Hours in 4 days.

What the heck?! I had three days off and the other 4 I'm getting my full time pay in. It sucks but at the same time it's awesome.

Vine Posts. My favorites.

Warning: Make sure one is muted before you unmute another.





Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did hahaha.

I'm just in a blah mood.

Ohhhhh my, I am in love with my website.

www.rachelgiese.com

I just redid it, slightly. And I love it. I think it's beautiful. Please visit it and tell all of your friends or relatives who need pictures of anything. ANYTHING. Well, almost anything.




Well now, onto bigger and better things. 

I'm bored and can't sleep. 
I wish I could. I've been feeling quite lonely lately, and it's a bit depressing. Here are the things I'm being a worry wart about right now:


A. Not making any freaking money.
So, I feel kind of broke. I normally have a decent amount of money to cushion myself with. But this crappy weather has left me wanting a second job or to become a "exotic dancer". I'm serious. I feel broke, and because of that I'm working out more to get my mind off of it (good thing I guess), and I'm sitting around trying extra hard NOT to spend money. Like, I want to sell stuff, and babysit, and oh I don't know, maybe actually photograph people for once! I haven't had a paid photoshoot in I can't even remember. And that's my money right there. I'm struggling, and drowning (get it? I'm a lifeguard hah.)

B. Gas is $4.40. And I need to get an oil change. 
Refer to A. I'M BROKE. All I do now is drive to work, drive to work out, then go home. I refuse to drive anywhere that isn't necessary. And I'm actually doing the speed limit and not accelerating fast so I don't waste gas. That also stresses me out because I love to speed and drive fast. My car, Charlie, is really good at going fast and getting me places. It's why we have such a great relationship because he's reliable. Well, he'll be more reliable when I get his oil changed. Which also costs money.  Stupid economy.  Why can't I win the lottery?

C. My cat is sick and needs surgery.
Yes, my darling beloved cat, Walter, is very sick.  Mind you, I've had him since I was 6. That's basically 14 years. He's 72 in cat years.  He has two infected teeth and he's dehydrated so that is causing his sinuses to act up. I didn't even know cats had sinuses. But they do, and I feel terrible because he sneezes 10 consecutive times and then just goes to sleep. The vet has to do surgery and remove the two teeth that are infected or they will become diseased and... you know what we would have to do. And I'm not ready to give up the one thing that I've owned, loved and cherished since kindergarten. Not gonna happen.

D. I miss college.
Shocker there. I miss my friends, Chrissy and Danielle, and my freedom.  I miss the ability to do what I want without being questioned why, when, where, and who. I'm reaching that point where I'm almost 21 and I need my independence, fast. I WANT my apartment.

E. I don't care, I'm going to say it. I miss my boyfriend. 
I miss Brenden. Like a lot.  Yeah yeah yeah, call me needy or attached or whatever. I don't care because I only get to see him maybe one day out of the week. Considering that it's summer and I haven't worked a lot, that's sucky. He lives and hour and 45 minutes away and I hate it.  Don't get me wrong, he's totally worth it and I'm going to deal with it because that's what has to be done, but let me tell you, I HATE IT.  On nights that I'm just chilling at home I would love to just call him and be like, "Yo come cuddle and watch movies with me and stuff." Instead of, "Oh hey, you're two hours away. By the time you get here I would be ready to go to sleep and you can't sleep in the same room as me." Fun fact since I'm almost 20. Woop-di-do. I just miss him. Texting and talking on the phone only does so much. I want to be able to give him a hug or use him like a teddy bear.  He's like a freaking pillow and as soon as I cuddle up to him everything feels so much better in the world. Like my head could explode from the happiness.

So that's how I feel right now.  I've also realized that this is the last summer in the "normality" of Northwest Indiana. It excites me and kind of scares me. As soon as August comes, the goal is to just come back for maybe two weeks at the most. I'm out of here.

So yeah. I'm just in a blah mood.

What to do with such lovely weather.

Well, it looks like this out:

Which means photoshoot for Rachel and her friends. However, the inside of my room looks like this: 

I have so much laundry to do I just keep avoiding it. And it's going to come back and nip me in the butt when I don't have any clean underwear (gross, I know.) but I just can't bring myself to do it. So instead, I will forget it exists and go outside and take pictures for a couple hours. I even did my hair. Yes, I know. Shocking. 

Thought Catalog!

Random quote before I go to sleep:

"When you go on a date with someone new, or even when you’ve been in a relationship with them for a while, there are 10,000 little things that signal you whether or not a person is right for you. You don’t have to love every thing about them, but you have to latch on to something. Do you like the way they smile? How’s their taste in music? Do they excite you? Are you attracted to them even when they are doing the silliest, unsexiest of things? I dated a guy who was so sexy when he was in the kitchen cooking in his underwear with his hair all the way down, not even knowing he was being sexy to me. I snuck glances at him, thinking to myself, “Wow. I get to have that.” If you can look at your significant other after 3 weeks, 3 years or 30 years and still think, “Dang,” you know that person is right for you.

You know they’re right for you because when you look at them you smile all over. You smell them on your clothes mid-day and you get excited about seeing them again later on. You know they’re right for you because your differences make you stronger.

You know they’re right for you because they don’t make you feel judged. You can be your fullest self and experiment and try new things and they still think you’re beautiful. They think you’re beautiful when you’re sleeping and when you have snot pouring out of your nostrils. They’re right for you because they care, they show you they care, even if they aren’t the most vocal about it or say “I love you” all the time. Deep down you know they care, even when things are rough.

You can’t imagine your life without them, without their family, without sharing a bed, without hearing their news and sharing yours, without doing “your” thing."

Click here to read the full article.

This is how I want to live.

This story is truly remarkable. If I knew the amount of time I had to live, I would want to live life the same way he did.

I can't help but  cry when I watch videos such as this one. But people like him remind me how I should live. He reminds me to see nothing but the good in people, and to live life to the fullest. If I could I would thank him for being so brave and courageous. Because that's one thing I admire the most, is to not fear death. It reminds me of the movie Tuck Everlasting. Not the story line, but the message of the story.

"Don't fear death. Fear the un-lived life."

There is nothing more true than that statement.  Because if I was to die tomorrow, I would die completely happy with my life.  I am so happy and love every part of my life right now.  And I think that's what Zach did.  He knew that he was going to pass away, and yet he lived as happily as he could.  And I admire that so much.