Flashback at 1:13 in the morning

For some reason, I was just thinking about my younger years today, and I am going to admit to you some things I've realized now that I didn't know back then.

In elementary school, making up dances to Hilary Duff songs was considered "cool".
Yes, I'll admit the songs that my friends and I made up dances to. It is the following list:

• Come Clean - Hilary Duff
• Space Jam - Space Jam Soundtrack
• Why Not - Hilary Duff
• One, Two Step - Ciara
• Independent Women - Destiny's Child

Ugh. I even performed one of these dances publicly for the 4th grade talent show. Needless to say, I have burned all of the evidence. 

Wearing a hooded sweatshirt tied around your waist was NOT cool. Ever.

But Rachel, I brought it to school to wear in case I got cold.  No, just no. I personally really only wore it tied around my waist because sometimes my pants slid down and anyone behind me could see my grandma undies.  It happened only once, and I had been terrified since. I didn't know what the meaning of a "belt" was. I was a LOSER. But remember, only I can make fun of myself. 

When a boy says hello to you, it does not mean that they have a crush on you. 

Yes, I did not learn how to talk to the opposite sex until my sophomore year in high school. Before that, I couldn't even hold a conversation with them without my ears turning the color of a tomato.  I was that girl.  I'm so glad that I grew out of that phase.  

I skipped recess every day to go help out the office. Um what? You NEVER skip recess. Or a nap. 

I'm not really sure if I have to explain this one.  These days I really value my nap and play time these days and I'm kicking my old self in the butt for not taking advantage of that time. 

And finally, the most embarrassing, pretending to be a mermaid in a pool is not/has not/will ever be cool/appropriate. 

Yes, Hannah, my neighbor and I used to pretend we were sparkly colorful mermaids in our 3 ft. pool.   And we also had names such as: Sparkle, Crystal, Melanie, and Snowflake.  I don't even know how Snowflake pertains to mermaid folk.  They live in the water. Snowflakes are not possible. 

Woah guys.

Hey, I don't think anyone's actually looking at my blog right now but in the event that you are I'm just blogging from my iPhone and I'm just testing it out.

I don't think I like this though because I can't do anything bolded or fun. And I feel informal. But I can post pictures. Look Danielle and I are at Noodles&Company studying! That is all for now.

One Week Left.

Alright people. Let's just take a moment of silence right now to note that I only have one week left of Freshman year.  You know, that thing that I've been enrolled in since August? It's over in a week.

Where has the time gone?

Here are some things I've realized:

1. My grades are not where I want them to be.
I am rather disappointed in myself about that. I've gotten all As and all Bs this semester, but that's only if I do good on finals.  I don't have any borderline grades either so that's good.  It's those History150 and Astronomy101 grades that brought down my GPA from last semester.  I hate those grades with a burning passion.  But on the bright side, those are my bad subjects and I basically just had to get them over with.  So in one week I won't have to deal with Math, History, or Science in college EVER AGAIN. Take a moment to imagine me doing the happy dance:

2. I'm ready for the end of school, but I don't want to move back home. 

Now let's get this straight. I love my family to death.  I have never thought they have been overbearing. But there is a big difference in not having a curfew living on your own, and not having a curfew in your parent's home.  Because sure, I can come home at 4a.m. during the summer if I want to, but my parents are aware of it and ask where I was and what I was doing. They don't know what time I get home during school. Just because I'm saying this does not make me a bad kid.  I just have a problem with being told what I should do and having my independence slightly taken away. 

3. I miss having my own room.

It doesn't matter who the heck I could be living with.  The freedom to lie in your bed butt naked without the fear of someone walking in is a magical thing. Don't take it for granted.  I just miss being completely alone. Just laying in my bed, door closed, knowing I won't be interrupted. No, I am not saying I am a hermit. Believe me, when I had mono and was stuck in a bed alone for two whole weeks I almost went crazy. Well. Crazier. But I miss my own room and my bathroom connected to my room. I just can't wait to have that again. 

4. I miss my best friends, but I will miss my college best friends.

I can't wait to see Brian and Liz again.  But I'm going to miss the crap out of Danielle and Chrissy.  I mean, we all say "Oh yeah man I'm going to visit you so much over the summer." But it rarely happens.  So I've already mentally prepared myself to never see them. Sad, but realistic.  

5. I can't wait for my summer job. 

This summer I'm the assistant manager of the Munster Pool.  I couldn't be more excited.  That pool has been the highlight of my summer for the past three years.  When I think of summer or smell sunscreen, that's the first thing that comes to mind.  And I'm excited to work with my sister, and take Brenden there when he comes to visit.  I just can't wait.  AND I get to wear a polo! With the word MANAGER on the back! Woohoo!

6. Spotify Premium is the best thing that's happened since sliced bread. But really. 

Invest in it.  $9.99 a month really isn't that bad for unlimited music.  I get it on my phone and my laptop and I can hook my phone up to my car radio and get it there. It's unlimited with no commercials. And you can sync your music to your phone so you can listen to it offline. Because let's be honest, everyone hates when they are listening to streaming music and it skips. I haven't had that experience with Spotify unless the song wasn't synced to my phone. You can also search all of Spotify's music from your phone, and they have a lot of freaking music. So just get it. Now.

Food for Thought

So today I feel like posting two of my favorite poems.  Today's been rather stressful and it's only 12:54.  I won't post why because again, it's the internet, but people from my past are surfacing and making my life a pain in the royal ass.  So anyways, I read these poems to calm me down. I love both of them dearly.

Continuities - Walt Whitman

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,

No birth, identity, form--no object of the world.

Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;

Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.

Ample are time and space--ample the fields of Nature.

The body, sluggish, aged, cold--the embers left from earlier fires,

The light in the eye grown dim, shall duly flame again;

The sun now low in the west rises for mornings and for noons continual;

To frozen clods ever the spring's invisible law returns,

With grass and flowers and summer fruits and corn.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] - E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Both of these poems always calm me down and make me feel a lot better.  The first poem is always the one I share with people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.  It gives me hope and makes me remember the cycle of life.  That no matter what pain you're feeling, that pain does not last.  The poem is written to signify the passing of winter to spring, the changing of death to life, and the passing of pain to joy.  I love the hope it makes me feel.

The next poem is obviously about love.  And I absolutely love it.  My hopeless romantic gets the best of me in this situation.  He writes it like it's two people's perspectives, but at the same time, they're one person.  It shows that two people in love become one, and so does their heart.  They give each other a piece of themselves and they will always have it with them no matter what.

Obviously these interpretations may not be the same as yours. But that's the beauty of poetry.  You're allowed to interpret it any way you want to and it doesn't matter! 

Just thought I would share. 

Some of my favorite quotes about love

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. 

-James Baldwin

when you love someone / you are scared of getting hurt / and you will get hurt 

-Brandon Scott Gorrell

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

-Bob Marley

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close. 

-Pablo Neruda

What most people call loving consists of picking out a woman and marrying her. They pick her out, I swear, I’ve seen them. As if you could pick in love, as if it were not a lightning bolt that splits your bones and leaves you staked out in the middle of the courtyard. They probably say that they pick her out because-they-love-her, I think it’s just the siteoppo. Beatrice wasn’t picked out, Juliet wasn’t picked out. You don’t pick out the rain that soaks you to a skin when you come out of a concert.

-Julio Cortázar

It’s often just enough to be with someone. I don’t need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You’re not alone.

-Marilyn Monroe

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved. 

-George Eliot

Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star… 

- E.E. Cummings

You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. 

-Dr. Seuss

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone. 

- Orson Welles

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really. 

-Harvey Milk

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

-1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

-Juno

“When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They are your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare.”

— How I met your mother