I'm just in a blah mood.

Ohhhhh my, I am in love with my website.

www.rachelgiese.com

I just redid it, slightly. And I love it. I think it's beautiful. Please visit it and tell all of your friends or relatives who need pictures of anything. ANYTHING. Well, almost anything.




Well now, onto bigger and better things. 

I'm bored and can't sleep. 
I wish I could. I've been feeling quite lonely lately, and it's a bit depressing. Here are the things I'm being a worry wart about right now:


A. Not making any freaking money.
So, I feel kind of broke. I normally have a decent amount of money to cushion myself with. But this crappy weather has left me wanting a second job or to become a "exotic dancer". I'm serious. I feel broke, and because of that I'm working out more to get my mind off of it (good thing I guess), and I'm sitting around trying extra hard NOT to spend money. Like, I want to sell stuff, and babysit, and oh I don't know, maybe actually photograph people for once! I haven't had a paid photoshoot in I can't even remember. And that's my money right there. I'm struggling, and drowning (get it? I'm a lifeguard hah.)

B. Gas is $4.40. And I need to get an oil change. 
Refer to A. I'M BROKE. All I do now is drive to work, drive to work out, then go home. I refuse to drive anywhere that isn't necessary. And I'm actually doing the speed limit and not accelerating fast so I don't waste gas. That also stresses me out because I love to speed and drive fast. My car, Charlie, is really good at going fast and getting me places. It's why we have such a great relationship because he's reliable. Well, he'll be more reliable when I get his oil changed. Which also costs money.  Stupid economy.  Why can't I win the lottery?

C. My cat is sick and needs surgery.
Yes, my darling beloved cat, Walter, is very sick.  Mind you, I've had him since I was 6. That's basically 14 years. He's 72 in cat years.  He has two infected teeth and he's dehydrated so that is causing his sinuses to act up. I didn't even know cats had sinuses. But they do, and I feel terrible because he sneezes 10 consecutive times and then just goes to sleep. The vet has to do surgery and remove the two teeth that are infected or they will become diseased and... you know what we would have to do. And I'm not ready to give up the one thing that I've owned, loved and cherished since kindergarten. Not gonna happen.

D. I miss college.
Shocker there. I miss my friends, Chrissy and Danielle, and my freedom.  I miss the ability to do what I want without being questioned why, when, where, and who. I'm reaching that point where I'm almost 21 and I need my independence, fast. I WANT my apartment.

E. I don't care, I'm going to say it. I miss my boyfriend. 
I miss Brenden. Like a lot.  Yeah yeah yeah, call me needy or attached or whatever. I don't care because I only get to see him maybe one day out of the week. Considering that it's summer and I haven't worked a lot, that's sucky. He lives and hour and 45 minutes away and I hate it.  Don't get me wrong, he's totally worth it and I'm going to deal with it because that's what has to be done, but let me tell you, I HATE IT.  On nights that I'm just chilling at home I would love to just call him and be like, "Yo come cuddle and watch movies with me and stuff." Instead of, "Oh hey, you're two hours away. By the time you get here I would be ready to go to sleep and you can't sleep in the same room as me." Fun fact since I'm almost 20. Woop-di-do. I just miss him. Texting and talking on the phone only does so much. I want to be able to give him a hug or use him like a teddy bear.  He's like a freaking pillow and as soon as I cuddle up to him everything feels so much better in the world. Like my head could explode from the happiness.

So that's how I feel right now.  I've also realized that this is the last summer in the "normality" of Northwest Indiana. It excites me and kind of scares me. As soon as August comes, the goal is to just come back for maybe two weeks at the most. I'm out of here.

So yeah. I'm just in a blah mood.